Saturday, January 24, 2015
Remembering What Matters
"They found something." The nurse that had taken Joseph back for his MRI 30 minutes earlier was not the same cheerful nurse she had been earlier. We had taken Joseph for the brain scan to see if there was anything of concern causing his frequent headaches. The nurse soberly explained that she needed us to stay. Our doctor was being contacted for another order so that the scan could be repeated, this time with a contrast dye to try and determine what type of tissue was present.
As I went back to the waiting room with Joseph and Kate, I felt surprisingly calm - the type of calm that I know comes from my Heavenly Father. I have felt it many times throughout my life and recognized it immediately. Although calm, my heart was breaking. I pushed back my tears and put on a good face, and tried to explain to Joseph why we needed to stay and repeat the scan without scaring him to death.
As they placed the IV, Joseph announced that he was going to throw up. He turned completely pale. The boy does not do needles - never has. I couldn't help but wonder how he was going to handle what likely was ahead of us.
The scan complete, we headed home with the promise that our doctor would be in touch. I took him back to school and headed home.
Let me tell you. Your mind can go a million different places with news like this. I spent the day alternating between periods of peace and unpredictable tears. Lots of prayers. Questions and more questions. What was treatment going to be like? Surely this would require surgery. Brain surgery. Would he be able to finish the school year? Would I bring him home and teach him here? Spend as much time with him as I could? There is something in his brain that is not supposed to be there. Would this take him from us? Could I handle this? How were the other kids going to handle it? How would this impact Ashley's decision to serve a mission for our church? How was I going to tell Joseph?
That afternoon, I called the doctor's office. The nurse very kindly explained that they had received his results, but that the doctor needed to give them to me. He would call me. I waited. He didn't call.
As usual, Joseph asked me to come lay with him at bedtime. I did it this time, instead of explaining how much "stuff" I needed to get done. We read his scriptures, read a book, and then I held his hand as he fell asleep.
As Greg and I talked and prayed together that evening, I felt the same peace that had been with me all day. I KNEW without a doubt that God was mindful of us, and I trusted Him. I told Him that I would do whatever would be required, but I was going to need help. My sweet husband kept asking how I was doing. I knew he was hurting, too, and marveled at his concern for me.
Friday morning came, and I again called the doctor's office. They transferred me directly to the neurologist. He explained that the tissue was a cyst. Benign. He has most likely had it all his life. There was probably a period of decreased blood supply sometime during his development that caused some tissue to collect in the brain instead of migrating. He didn't think it was related to the headaches. No treatment necessary. He is probably having migraines. Now, Greg and I are both migraine sufferers. I have NEVER been happy about migraines, but I was right then. That was something I could handle!
More tears as immense relief flooded through me. I called Joseph at school and gave him the good news.
As I thought about the previous 24 hours, I felt SO GRATEFUL. Grateful to know that he was ok. Grateful that in a time of crisis, my faith was sufficient to TRUST. Grateful for what I learned about my marriage. Grateful for the way it made my boys remember that they really do love each other. Grateful for the wake up call it was to love these kids, in thought and action, EVERY DAY. I am so blessed to have them!
Today, I feel renewed, with a new perspective on life. That's why I'm going to wrap this post up and GO PLAY. Happy Saturday!